if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
