it wasn't lemon gatorade
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
