Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Randomize
