im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
