why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
