your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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