Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
