Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
