Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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