I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
