I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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