I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
