I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
