The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
