i was rollin on her like bob the builder
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
