we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize