So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
