if you like me you must not know who I am
just tell him i said nine months
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Randomize
