I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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