You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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