she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
