Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
