I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
