Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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