i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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