explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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