did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
what day is it and did you see me today?
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
