I seem to have left my pride at pride
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
