wanna go halves on a baby?
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
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