is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize
