I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
