I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
