I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
