He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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