Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
