I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I am spending my child support on dildos
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
