Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
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