i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
