he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
