I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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