By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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