I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
