I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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