Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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