her vagina looked like bernie madoff
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
