Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
