I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
