I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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