Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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