Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
