I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
