he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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